Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
