somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
