her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
