I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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