Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
