If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
