The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
do herpes really smell.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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