I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
