pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
