Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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