okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
