fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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