it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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