Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
