So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
