She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
