Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
