And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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