There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
