I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I've blown a few things in my day
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
