She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
