Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
