I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
