Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
