Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
