We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
