i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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