"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
