I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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