I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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