Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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