My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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