4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
