i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
