Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
