the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
