I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
