I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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