Got a toothbrush?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
