i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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