Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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