she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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