I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
