Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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