Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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