man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
