DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
