textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
