started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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