didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You need Xanax blowdarts
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
