Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
