We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
