The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
