I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
