I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
