how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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