woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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