I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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