grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
