you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
