He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
