...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
