would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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