I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
