so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
