i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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