A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
