I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
