I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
