My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
