do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
