Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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